Along with keeping my eating disorders secret from others, I had also spent my whole life running from God. As if, by not talking to Him, it would keep Him from knowing anything. Silly to write down, but so true of all of us. When we feel like we are letting God down, our first response is to run from Him. Just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden hid themselves from God when they had eaten the forbidden fruit.
I looked like I was a God follower on the outside, but felt distant from Him because of my guilt.
I started being transparent to God, especially in the light of His grace that I was learning so much about. I was learning that He was a kind God.
Psalms 90:8
God has set our faults before Him, our secret sins in the light of His face.
Romans 2:4
For it is His kindness that leads us to repentance.