Month: June 2018

I think that most people think that eating disorders only plague the young.  It usually starts then, but many people continue to struggle in adulthood.

I was one of them.

It was a constant cycle of guilt.  Quilt, vowing to stop, eventually failing, guilt.

I  sometimes went as long as three years of being free.  Then I would fall back into the same patterns.

I led a double life.  One where everything looked okay to others and one that was plagued with this secret battle.

I felt disgusting, helpless, afraid, and sure that God couldn’t love me.  Eventually I fell into depression.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been a while since I’ve posted.  My Story is hard to tell.  I’ve always wished this wasn’t my story, but I hear God’s voice calling me to tell it.

By the time I was 17 I was miserable and full of self hatred.  I said in a previous post that I had so much self hatred that I could have fell prey to finding love in all the wrong places.  It was God’s providence that this is when I met the guy that would be my future husband.  A very good guy.

The thing is, he had no idea how damaged I was. He saw me the way I presented myself. I was good at hiding the bad.

Long story short, we married when I was only 18 (not something I recommend). He was a good man and would have sent me to college but I chose to stay employed at a job.

I wish that the love of a good man could have cured me, but that is not how it went down.

I continued with bulimia, hiding it well, even from him.