Before I start my story I want to share one Bible verse. This verse was a key to my recovery. It is the resonating theme of my story and I want to share it first. Later you will see how it helped me.
Phillipians 2:13
“For it is God who works in you, to will and to act according to His good purpose.”
My Story Begins……..
I come from a middle class, Christian family, raised in a small town in Washington State. My childhood was probably fairly normal.
My parents were good parents and they took very good care of me and before I write any more, I want you to know I love them both dearly.
I was the oldest child, and from very early on, instinctively knew that I had to take care of myself. I felt alone and fearful of just about everything. When I awoke in the middle of the night in fear from a nightmare I was told to go back to bed. One time at the age of 6, I decided to put the wall clock in our kitchen ahead so that, in my mind, daylight would come sooner. Needless to say when my mother saw it the next day, I did not confess.
I had imaginary playmates all my childhood. They were the ones that loved and adored me. To them I was special.
I attended a Christian school and learned about God at a very early age. Although I did believe in God, it wasn’t until years later that He became real to me. In school it was more of a history lesson and not a heart lesson.
In a small town everyone one knows you. In our little Dutch town, that was taken to an extreme. Pride ruled. Pride of possessions and pride of what others thought of you. Appearance was key. You needed to look good, do good, and be successful. It was an environment that was a breeding ground for someone to develop eating disorders. I am sure to this day that the percentage of people suffering from eating disorders in my home town is very high.
Normally you don’t want anyone to know your dirty laundry, but in a small town, that fear is much greater. This makes it all the harder to get help. Everyone is putting their game face on. All the skeletons are in their closets. If your skeleton should get out, you are the talk of the town.